The first step is to obtain legal advice. This can be crucial to helping you decide the best way forward and how best to protect yourself.
You will find out how the law applies to the individual circumstances of your case, so you can ensure your needs, and the needs of any children, are met once you are living independently from your spouse.
Generally, everyone’s main concerns are what will happen to the family home and how time with your children will be spent once you are living separately from your spouse. An appointment with a solicitor will provide you with the necessary advice on these important issues.
Friends and family can sometimes tell horror stories about what happened to them in their divorce. Everyone’s situation is different. Legal advice avoids the worry and uncertainty of unsolicited advice from well-meaning friends.
Advice will also be provided about non-court dispute resolution (NCDR). We typically refer clients to mediation, which helps you to negotiate an agreement suitable for your needs and the needs of any children. Legal aid still available for mediation. The court is really pushing parties towards NCDR and some form of NCDR is a prerequisite to most non-urgent court applications.
You will be encouraged to maintain an amicable relationship with your spouse throughout negotiations, wherever possible.
Do I need to issue divorce proceedings?
This is a personal choice. Divorce applications are now issued on a no-fault basis. This means blame is no longer apportioned. You are simply letting the Court know that your marriage has irretrievably broken down.
Applying to the Court for a divorce does not necessarily mean that you will be attending Court hearings. A straightforward divorce generally means that a Judge approves the necessary paperwork without ever meeting you or your spouse.
We don’t have any assets to divide
Even if you do not have any assets now, you may acquire assets in the future. Your claims against one another as ex-spouses will remain live unless dismissed by a Court order. Some claims are affected by remarriage.
To protect yourself financially, everyone going through divorce proceedings should agree the terms of a clean break Consent Order. This will record terms of settlement, if there are any, in a legally enforceable Court order and dismiss your financial claims against one another in life and in death.
What about my children?
Any discussions about divorce proceedings, financial matters and other adult issues ideally should not take place in the presence of your children.
You may wish to speak to your children’s teachers about your separation. The school may be able to provide pastoral support if needed.
You will be encouraged to reach an agreement for an equal division of time, where this can be facilitated.
If you are unable to agree arrangements which suit everyone concerned, you contact a Mediator to see if an agreement can be reach with the assistance of an independent, qualified, third party.
What if Court proceedings are my only option?
Unfortunately maintaining an amicable relationship isn’t possible for everyone. Legal advice will also outline options for Court applications if all attempts at settlement have otherwise failed. Court proceedings will be unavoidable in certain cases, such as where assets are being dissipated, financial disclosure will not be provided voluntarily, or your spouse will not engage in negotiations.
Do I need to update my Will?
You will remain your spouse’s next of kin until you receive the final order in your divorce. We therefore recommend all separating clients seek advice from an estate planner; to prepare a Will or review any will they already have in place.
Finally….
When a relationship breaks down, whether it was your decision or not, the immediate aftermath can be emotionally challenging. Acceptance is the first step to moving on.
An instant reaction can be to seek revenge, particularly where there has been adultery, but this can be harmful to all concerned. Acting reasonably, however difficult this may be, will help you in the long run.
Going through a divorce is one of the most stressful things you will ever deal with in your life. Make sure you have a good support network around you. Rely on your family and friends and speak with your GP if you need to.
Have amicable discussions with your spouse if this is possible. On neutral ground if this is preferable.
Mediation can be really helpful if both parties are willing to engage in the process.
Elizabeth Bates is a Solicitor in our Family Law department. For more information please contact her on 01706 525053 (milnrow) or 01706 818111 (Todmorden) or email her at Elizabeth.bates@lancslaw.co.uk
